7/8/08

Lump Them All Together

While I realize that a certain amount of prejudice is out there, and probably always will be out there, I believe there's a line between a understandable amount and downright foolishness.

For example, there will always be jokes out there about Asians who eat dogs. Why? Hell, because there are actually Asians out there who eat dogs. And they live in Asia. And some eat dogs because they don't consider them domestic pets as we do. And because we see them as domestic pets, we see the aforementioned eating of dogs to be quite gross.

But like I said, there's an understandable amount of joking until I realize that you might actually think I eat puppies. Now that's just wrong. First off, I'm not much of a dog person. I like cats. Secondly... well, actually, I can't really think of a secondly part. So I suppose the "first off" is really my only reason.

Never mind, I just thought of one.

I find it to be slightly odd, for people to lump people together and then say things such as "Well, you're different from everyone," or "You're an anomaly." In a group of people containing millions of people, if one person can be different from the, say, twelve that you know, wouldn't it be just as possible that there a lot of people out there who differentiate from your paradigms?

Essentially, Name-Withheld-Person #1 was chatting with Name-Withheld-Person #2 about Person-That-Name-Withheld-Person #2-Has-A-Crush-On, hereafter known as "Person #3." And P1, being the cocky, older person who thinks she knows everything, decided, out of the goodness of her heart, to tell P2 that "all guys are the same," and that "no matter how nice they say it, they all mean the same thing."

And that's when I turn to her and query her reasoning. "Really?" I wonder aloud. "How so?"

And her stuck-up self says, "Yeah, I can read a guy from a mile away."

So I smirk. Because this girl doesn't know me at all. P1 doesn't know a thing about me, so I decide to question her. "Oh, really? And what do you read about me?"

And in a fit of unsurpassed stupidity, she says, "Well, I can't read you. You're the only guy I can't read. I don't ever know what you're thinking."

I realize that's possibly not a good thing, as she'll probably never trust me enough as a friend.

At any rate, this is when Name-Withheld-Person #4, neighbor and close friend to P1, comes along and says, "Yeah, James is weird. He's different from other guys."

I would like to state now that I am one man on this Earth. One man out of fifty billion. If one guy can be different from the fifty that you are acquainted with, then logic and probability follows that there are a billion guys out there who are, and I quote, "different from other guys."

Don't lump people together, especially not like that. Everyone's different from everyone else, everyone's unique, and everyone dislikes being sorted like toys on a shelf. We're not here for your labeling leisure.

6/19/08

Entrance

As I've told numerous people before, "If you want something, go for it in a way that'll hurt the least amount of people."

I say it that way because, unfortunately in our world, there will eventually be someone hurt by your actions, no matter how hard you try not to. Think about it, no matter how much you want something, there's someone else out there who wants it more. And if you attain such, you'll hurt that one person. It is a strength of their own character as to how they react to it.

At any rate, if you want something, then go for it. Work hard to attain what you want, and this is directed mostly at those too shy to try, or too insecure in their own abilities to believe they can.

If you don't believe you can, then work to get better. I'm not saying your belief is founded on actual fact, as there are many I know who don't believe they can sing when they can actually melt my heart when they don't think anyone's listening. But if you don't believe you're good enough, then work to get good enough. The line of stupidity is drawn when you don't believe you can ever get better, because the extent of human potential can never be reached. There's a reason we can give one-hundred-and-ten percent, and that's because we can push past our own limits to achieve phenomenal things.

So don't think you can't do something because you're shy or not good enough. Work your stuff out. You can get better.

This is my little motivational speech, and it's dedicated mostly to my friend (name withheld) for inspiring me. She is a source of much inspiration for me, and has honestly made a severe impact on my life and how I live it.

Thanks for everything.

Apologies

For my avid readers, all two of you, you may be wondering what was with the giant hiatus of writing. Well, if you must know, I haven't exactly been in the condition to write. Was homeless for a while, then shacked up with a very good friend of mine. The 'rents are cool for letting me stay here. I'll be moving out around August, which means there will again be a hiatus around there due to lack of money to afford my own computer and Internet. So there. Deal.

5/31/08

At The End Of The Day

Normally, this would be the blog in which I inform everyone of my woe-tide life in hopes for some obligated sympathy. But right now, considering this stage in a teenager's life is not about how much my family sucks, or why my teachers hate me, or the aliens who tried to cut me open in lieu of a better understanding of a lesser lifeform. It is about graduation.

As many of you know, I was not going to walk. I did not feel it necessary to shell out money to do the whole blah, blah, blah, you've all heard (or rather, read) me rant about this one numerous times. I am walking now, however, and not through my own devices. Tina Fallon and Jane Palmer banded together and against all adversity (in other words, my stupidity and stubbornness) convinced me to walk. They even paid for it. So, on the one hand, I didn't have to pay for it, which is what I was protesting. On the other hand, someone had to pay for it, which is what I was protesting.

But as Mrs. Fallon stated to me, it's not about anyone or anything but me and how I felt. Getting up on that stage and being handed that symbollic diploma cover because we are apparently not to be trusted with our actual diploma until we turn in our cap and gown, is sure to be one of the greatest feelings on the face of this planet. I just wish I was valedictorian or some other person that can make a speech, so I can look my mom right in the eye while on stage and say "I told you I wasn't worthless." That'd just be kickass.

Again, I digress. This isn't about my mother. When Mrs. Fallon said that to me, that it was only about me, I actually stopped to think about how I would feel if I didn't walk. Sure, I'd be proud for standing up in what I believed in, but it would eventually dwindle down to regret. While I realize it's only symbolic of one actually graduating, there's just something about participating alongside everyone, hearing the watered-down version of pretty much every valedictorian speech from movies, and not being allowed to cheer for your friends for finally making it that gives you a warm happy feeling inside.

Ever since I was little, one of my goals would be to do the robot once I accepted my diploma onstage. And now, I realize that is completely asinine and immature. Which usually doesn't stop me, but this time it will, because it is also coupled with the "impossibility" factor. See, there's no possible way for me to do the robot onstage when I accept my diploma, because as I have stated before, it's only a diploma cover. The actual diploma is given to us after the ceremony, backstage where no one can see you, only after you give back your cap and gown.

Which basically kicks every movie stereotype, expectation and cliche back to Narnia, I suppose, but at the same time it kicks out a tiny bit of the authenticity.

I don't think I'm ready, honestly. Ready to leave, that is. I will, I won't try and fail just to stay in high school a couple more days, but it means I'll be thrust directly into life. And while I've learned, on my own and harshly, may I add, to rely on myself and not those I lived with, at the same time I've been taught by other people to lean on others.

As I step away from the halls of education and toward the American workforce, I look back with fond memories of high school, sad feelings at what I'm leaving behind, and regrets for the opportunities I've missed.

As I near the goals I seek, I look onward with blurred hope, cautious anticipation, and great apprehension for my future.

And at the end of the day, I go to sleep thinking of the present, leaving behind all my worries and fears.

5/11/08

In Lieu Of A Lack Of Inspiration

I'd like to talk to you all about Kindergarten days. You know the times that most stick out will probably be naptime and recess. But what sticks out most in my mind is the ability to walk up to somebody you've never met, ask if you could play with them, and then suddenly be best friends.

Now if you so much as wish a stranger a good day, they look at you like you're a rapist.

While I realize that we live in a time where a stranger coming up to talk to you just randomly has the possible risk of being mutilated, and in no way am I saying trust everyone, at the same time I'm not saying distrust everyone. I wish people "Good day" because I want people to be happy. Honestly, to have a good day.

So all those who read this, please, have a good day. Don't let things get you down. Depression kinda sucks.

4/30/08

A Letter To The School

To whom it may concern,

There has been an issue about why I have been coming to first period neither A Day nor B Day, an essentially missing six classes each of Earth/Space Sci. Hon and English IV, or what is now known as “Senior English.” There is a real reason and an honest reason, the real reason being my already financially distressed home has faulty wiring, and recently that’s been affecting me, causing my alarm clock to shut off randomly during the night, and not waking me until well past eight. And as we have no money for gas or bus fare, I am then condemned to walk and don’t get to school until around nine thirty.

When you read the above, you see it as nothing but a blatant excuse, and me pretending it is anything but is offensive. Which is why I’m thoroughly acknowledging that I actually could be trying harder to wake up, finding other ways to get to school, and imploring my elder friends who have already graduated high school to give me a ride. Which brings me to my honest reason.

In all honesty, I found this “inconvenience” as an opportunity to not come to class. Not that I find anything wrong with the subject or yourself, the teachers, but rather I find something wrong with my peers and the class itself. At times, the sheer size of both leaves me feeling harrowed, intimidated, and slightly claustrophobic, while at others the very people I’m forced to associate with gives me an undeserved feeling of superiority and contempt. There are occasions at which I feel I am actually losing brain cells, due to the inevitable gossip-mongering, the conversations about how much a car smells like chocolate-chip cookies, and certain people complaining about their love-life to me. It comes in turn that I become so irritated towards said offenders that it’s any wonder I’m able to control myself and not start a huge and incessant hate-fest.

When I failed both classes and was offered Accelerated Learning for the two courses in the beginning of this quarter, I was so biased towards both that I had reservations about joining, and thought I would just take the courses online next year. I did join, however, and during my first class actually found it freeing and mitigating. It had a sense of individuality, and because I could rewind and review the lectures at will, it gave me a sense of control. I could take the course at my own pace, which, though I was able to in both classes, I found myself unable.

In English, to do so would mean to have to stay after school or after class, which I found I really had no incentive to do so, as staying after school would mean missing work and staying after class would mean missing Drama. I had no urge to do either. Missing work would mean missing payment, which I so desperately needed due to the aforementioned poor financial status of my family, as well as my need to save money to rent my own apartment and move out. Missing Drama, on the other hand, was not in the slightest what I wanted, because Drama is actually a class I enjoy and am expecting to pursue a career in.

To ask for help in Science would, unfortunately, subject me to a never-ending tirade of insults and put downs, and no matter how good-natured they are, there’s only so much one can take before snapping and yelling back. I fail to understand why people such as David and Jon pick on me for the sole reason that I won’t fight back. In comparison, admittedly, this reason pales, but despite the argument that I shouldn’t let such comments get to me, the fact remains that they do, and I had no desire to give any more excuses to make me feel like a worm.

I passed the first semester of Earth/Space Science in three days, with an 81% average. English, on the other hand, took me nearly two weeks, though I am 92% finished with the course, with only one more test left and a 91% average. And I still believe I’m retaining the knowledge. I think that I would be able to pass, despite the conflict in subject matter, that if a test for the first semester were submitted to me again, I would still be able to pass.

I began wondering if I could merely ask to drop both Earth/Space Sci. Hon and Senior English for the purpose of taking both classes in Accelerated Learning. If I could finish one semester of Science in three days and one semester of English in two weeks, it goes to follow logically that I would be able to finish the second semester of both in the same or similar amount of time. Given that there are approximately three weeks left in school, this seems a logical course of action.

And yet, I am discouraged in this solely because they feel I “will not be able to complete and fully comprehend the subject matter in that amount of time.”

Isn’t this up to me? I have taken the time to write this letter to try and persuade others to let me attempt this, as I feel it is the best choice available to me currently. I realize the reasons and excuses I have given are, at best, adolescent and redundant in the grand scheme of the education of the whole student body, but I do not feel compelled to complete any course in which I am forced to suffer unnecessarily. The more individual approach that Accelerated Learning offers appeals to me, and I feel I can walk away with more accomplished than if I were forced, yet again, to sit in a crowd of my peers trying to control my rage and frustration.

Sincerely,
J.C.X.D.R.

4/27/08

No Sympathy

I have no sympathy for those who dive into relationships after knowing a guy for a week, then whine and complain when he turns out to be a complete douche. I also have no sympathy for girls who decide to lump all guys together when one screws her over.

Case in point? A friend of mine decides to date someone I knew to be a womanizer and a cheater, I decided to warn her. And she reacted by calling me jealous and stopped talking to me.

First off, arrogant much? You think I'm jealous because I told you the truth about a person? Good job.

When he finally cheated on her, instead of crying their way and begging my forgiveness and mercy, they decided to rant and rave on MySpace about how "all guys love to lie" and "men should just die."

While I will try and be understanding as to the fact that her boyfriend had just screwed her over, at the same time I fail to understand the complete lack of subtlety on their part. And in my anger, I therefore began to verbally bash them until they were nearly reduced to tears.

I'm sorry, I just can't be nice to someone who stops talking to me for trying to warn them about something bad, then totally decides to lump all guys together for what one idiot did.

So screw off.

4/24/08

Allow Me A Moment

Before reading this, please read this blog to get exactly what I'm ranting about: http://blog.dayofsilence.org/2008/04/why-day-of-silence-exists.html. And if you comment asking what I'm talking about, I will rip you a new one for being an incompetent retard.

First off, I'd like to point out that nobody is pushing anything onto anyone. This is a protest. Merely a protest. And as a matter of fact, it's a silent protest. Nobody is holding up picket signs or rioting or going around saying the gay lifestyle is better. And if you know someone who is, if you know a gay person who's going around to every straight person trying to turn him, then by all means bring him to me so I can slap him. Because no lifestyle is better than the other. It's just life, so live it the fucking way you want. And don't try to force other people towards your way of thinking, especially through force. All this silent protest wants is peace.

Onto the subject of religion, which is the counter-argument that everyone seems to throw at you when you mention this. Now, I'm not an avid Bible reader. I try to do my best to be a good person. I follow the Ten Commandments, as well as the Golden Rule, but I am clearly not a man of perfection, and I make mistakes. I apologize for these faults, and I try and forgive myself for my wrong-doings. And as I am not an avid Bible reader, I do not know where in the Bible it speaks out against sexual deviancy, nor do I know if it even clearly defines what sexual deviancy is. For all we know, by sexual deviancy, it merely means screwing a chicken. But what I do know is that it clearly does not say anything about sexual orientation in the Ten Commandments, the laws held above all. And one of those Commandments, and I quote, is "Thou shalt not kill." So even if it does forbid homosexuality in the Bible, killing is still a greater sin. So go ahead. If you're right, and God does punish us, then go right on ahead and kill us. I just can't wait to see you in a deeper ring of hell.

But out of all the scandalous, depraved, and terrible remarks made, this was by far the worst. "...that 15-year-old Larry King pretty much got what he deserved..."

No one deserves to be shot. Ever. No one deserves to be discriminated against for anything, no matter what. These kinds of thoughts are what sparked such events as the Crusades, the Holocaust, the Detroit Riot, the 12th Street Riot, and so forth. And my friend? Here's something for you to think about. We don't see what we want to see. On the contrary, we want to see less of what we do see. And remarks such as yours does nothing but to clarify, what you call, our perverseness opinion on how the world is run. Perhaps it's you who sees only what you want to see. "Boys should act like boys and dress like boys, and girls should dress like girls"? Yes, so you basically want to go the exact opposite of the sexual equality revolution, hmm? Don't you dare condone the murder of anyone, especially the murder of a teenager, committed by another teenager. To basically praise this boy for his criminal actions is nothing short of disgusting.

I Can't Do That

While I'm not one to complain about how I look, and I'd rather berate others for not being anywhere near as confident as they should be, there are certain times, I've found, when you just feel awkward and out of place.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Mind you, I'm not trying to be hypocritical here. As a matter of fact, I'm being quite the opposite. When you're generally happy about the way you look, and happy with life and everything like that, then the occasional moment when you just don't feel your best is just fine. I'd assure you that you have no reason to fret about your looks, and then leave you well alone.

However, when you are constantly putting yourself down, and I'm forced to listen to how crappy your hair is every twelve seconds when it looks exactly the same as it did the day before and you had no problem with it then, that's when I start to get slightly ticked off.

Do not get me wrong. I am not so arrogant that I would state to never fall into one of these depressions. I did so today, as a matter of fact. It was during musical theater, when we choreographing "Cabaret." We had to act sexy. We had to do sexy poses. We had to be sexy.

Which I just can't do. I find myself handsome, cute in that bookish way, so on.

But not sexy. So I just felt excruciatingly awkward.

I'm over it now, I suppose. But it's interesting to see how five minutes can change your mood entirely.

Toes

I don't understand, in the midsts of biology and anatomy, what exact purpose toes fulfill. They're much like the appendix. See, for humans, we're not sweet. We can't use our feet to swing from tree to tree like monkeys can.

I mean, have you seen those? They're awesome!

But for humans, not so much. Of all the extremeties we've got, the most useful would be fingers. I mean, toes don't even succeed in keeping balance. You always see those TV comedy shows where, when somebody gets their big toe chopped off, they can no longer ever stand up without falling on their face.

Admittedly, that's really funny. But inaccurate.

I know a person who knew a person who knew a guy without toes. And he lived a full life.

Am I lying? Perhaps.

But you will never know that.