Poll Results

I have had three polls up for about the past month, and allow me to rant about the results here:

1. You are faced with an odd problem. A friend is sleeping, and you somehow just know that if you don't kick them as hard as you can in the ribs, they will never wake up. You can never tell them the truth. What lie will you tell?
a) "There was a black widow on your chest." (1 Vote 11%)
b) "You remind me of my ex-girl/boyfriend." (2 Votes 22%)
c) "I have a rare disease that makes my knee feel like it sometimes gets hit by one of those rubber mallets that doctors have." (3 Votes 33%)
d) "I fell asleep standing up and dreamed I was running." (0 Votes 0%)
e) "You were snoring." (3 Votes 33%)
f) "Hey, moron, I've been shouting and gently nudging you for the past half hour and nothing happened, so I figured, why not?" (7 Votes 77%)
g) "I thought I heard the devil in you." (3 Votes 33%)

Excuse me while I tither for a moment. Why, for the love of god, did the majority of people go for the most believable one? You just kicked one of your best friends in the ribs as hard as you could! There's no excuse to that! The only way you could possibly get out of this is to make them laugh, and even that has it's downfall considering his ribs are probably in intense pain right now. Unless you're like me and couldn't fight your way through a spider web, in which case I'd have to tell you to start working out, then proceed to slap myself in the face with a large slice of fruitcake for being hypocritical. And if having a friend becoming a mortal nemesis because you couldn't talk your way out of this situation appeals to you, then allow me to shove my monitor up your throat because you are officially a jerk. That's right, up, because thrusting something down your throat would be too easy and homo erotic a punishment for you.

2. The following question will decide whether I like you or not. What is your favorite Nintendo series?
a) The Legend of Zelda (1 Vote 20%)
b) Mario platformers (0 Votes 0%)
c) Metroid (0 Votes 0%)
d) Mario Party (0 Votes 0%)
e) Donkey Kong (0 Votes 0%)
f) Pokemon (1 Vote 20%)
g) Super Smash Bros. (3 Vote 60%)
h) Advance Wars (0 Votes 0%)

I'm severely mixed on this, for while I'm slightly ticked that more people went for the Smash Bros. series as opposed to The Legend of Zelda, I am so glad that nobody went for Mario Party. Anyone who thinks these games are anything but trite, pointless, redundant, and unoriginal, then you might as well curl up in the corner of the room and die slowly, because there's no point in me coming down there to kill you myself. And I blame the gaming world in general, because of your incessant need to buy these games, therefore telling the developers that they're actually good and deserve sequels. And as for those of you who'd rather play Smash Bros. than The Legend of Zelda, do not mistake me. Those three games are in no way bad, they're very fun with a simple enough scheme for young ones to join in while still remaining complicated enough to please the hardcore gamer. It's cute, colorful, and quirky, but I still would much prefer the epic one-player adventure than the multi-man brawler, perhaps because I'm a lonely loser with no actual friends and just people who tolerate my company and existence. And if I know the gaming community at all, I'm pretty sure my description fits a majority of you, because as you sit at your computer reading this, I'll bet blood that you just stood up in protest, then sat back down panting heavily.

3. If you want to marry your true love, every six months, someone will come along with a heavy wrench and shatter your collarbone. The only way to avoid this is to take a pill that causes you to hear everything like they're Alvin and the Chipmunks, including yourself.
a) Do you take the pill? (5 Votes 45%)
b) Do you avoid the pill and marry the girl? (5 Votes 45%)
c) Do you run as far away from the girl as possible? (1 Vote 9%)

Every single person who voted to avoid the pill and marry anyways, I absolutely can't wait to attend your funeral. A collarbone that has been shattered cannot possibly heal completely in such short a time as six months, and therefore would more than likely kill you once this man comes back. And for those who only voted to avoid the pill as to be jerks, saying "Hey, I'll just pick up a shotgun when this guy comes near," I'd like to direct your attention at a little part in the question that stated "the only way to avoid this," indicating that guy is more than likely immortal. You're a complete douche for not joining in for the fun of things, and I applaud the one guy who runs away, indicating he'd rather live life as a bachelor than have to deal with either of those cock-up choices.